Channel flipping through the news and talk shows this week has turned up some interesting warnings for parents, and smart teens to start doing more talking and asking questions. Parents: do you know about “poppy seed tea”, “rainbow club”, “sexting” and “dry-humping parties”?
Some Urban Definitions:
Poppy seed tea - the recipes are well known on line among the teens that they can get a fast high drinking poppy seed tea — and also not realize that drinking this tea is flirting with possible death.
Rainbow club – seems it is now a really cool thing (NOT!) for girls as young a middle school to be each wearing a different shade of lipstick, then the goal the boys have is for each girl to kiss his “junior” creating a band of colours up – well, you know.
Everyone seems to think this is so much fun – without a thought about STDs, possibly even catching each other’s colds, the flu, or maybe even more ’scary’ the H1N1 flu this way. Maybe the guy isn’t sick but the girl could be picking up germs from another girl. Let alone “since ‘when’ did this become a cool thing to do? What happen to some of the earlier steps we parent-types used to enjoy? Holding hands, writing a boy’s or girl’s name in the margin of our notebook sheets, working out numerological combinations with our latest crush’s name, making gum wrapper chains as tall as the guy, guys riding by on their bike, or doing goofy things to try to get his lady-love’s attention or note writing and passing. Ah, the good ol’ days – what is the rush? Is a permanent relationship or marriage becoming a less of a goal as divorce rates rise and birth control methods can delay periods for over three months? Is having sex becoming so much easier? Are girls losing their emotional connection to the act of passionately being with someone they are in love with, vs. in lust with?
Sexting – Is texting and sending sexual pictures of yourself, or someone else. While it seems to be an up-the-anti game in schools to see who can send the most exposed picture (and the news is mostly covering the girls whose pictures are sent), the police are ready to arrest students (or adults) doing this and charging the person who sent the photos, and anyone keeping the photos on their cellphones with ‘holding of pornographic images of a minor’. So, this is very risky actions for legal reasons.
Dry Humping Parties: Teens are getting together in schools, each other’s houses, clubs and other places to have dry-humping parties – basically sexual grinding each other, but with clothes on.
Suggestions for Parents:
Have an open conversation with your student-teens and pre-teens. Families that talk likely have less a chance of the students participating in this ’stuff’. Peer pressure can be very strong. Being accepted or popular can seem to be the absolute most important thing when you are 13 – 18. However, if your kids do get involved in these practices, be ready to listen and not ‘judge’. Be helpful and give them a support system outside their existing peer group – you. If you think they can’t come to you, maybe they can come to someone that you trust who is younger. Talking about sex or drug stuff with a parent can seem well, weird, to a teen. The point is that they need to know that they have choices and can choose differently. Threats or saying ‘no’ to your students “if I catch you, blah, blah, blah – ” will just drive them underground. They need to know that they can come to you with questions. (Or take them to a doctor or a birth control clinic where they can ask questions to a professional confidentially).
Frontal Brain Development:
While girls develop faster than boys, teens frontal brain development, which functions as the ‘executive planning and function’ centre for the brain doesn’t fully develop until late teens in girls and mid-twenties in boys. Thus, in part, while you may be thinking “What were you thinking when you did ‘x,y,z’?!” – the point is: maybe they weren’t thinking as they weren’t able to – yet. Likely they need a sounding board who has the ability to assist them with seeing longer term consequences, without it landing as a lecture.
Talk to Sons, Too:
Meanwhile, have the conversations with your daughter AND your sons. Boys need to own their actions, too. If you make it okay for him to be on the receiving end of a rainbow club set of lipstick ‘rings’, then you are equally telling him it is okay for his sister to be delivering ‘rings’ to his friends. Wake up call – both sons and daughters need to learn the risks around risky actions. None of the above are harmless – all can either kill you, or make you wish that you were ‘dead’. (Try getting back naked photos of your thirteen year old daughter that are posted on the Internet and gone ‘viral’, which can be sold and resold for years!)
Ethnic Minority Students are Also Involved:
I found even I had a blindspot on my knowledge. I am so familiar with minority groups that usually have arranged marriages, it just never occurred to me that Middle Eastern girls or East Indian girls would be participants in this. What a wake-up call! There on the documentaries this week were the girls from conservative families opening talking about ‘who’ was participating. Parents from conservative cultures: You are not exempt – please have conversations with your children, too. Your girls may be keeping their ‘virginity’ – but they may also be participating in some very ‘creative sex play’ at the same time.
………….
Do you need help because you already have a Reputation Management problem with your student teen? Contact me, or one of my contacts, may be able to help you. There are ways to get the attention of social networking sites to take down photos, and also to trace back who uploaded them, or to contact cell companies for forensic track -back. We can help in Canada, or U.S. If you are overseas, it will be on a case-by-case basis.
Call: 778-235-9765 or email: caesib@crisis-coaching.com